Recap + Ranking: RuPaul's Drag Race Season 9 Episode 1

Disclaimer - I'm aware that this was uploaded after episode 2 aired. I did write this before watching episode 2 but I somehow forgot to actually post it.

This episode left me with so many questions.
Why wasn't Ru in drag this episode?
Why is the stage different? Is it going to be like that for the rest of the season?
Is the judges' table going to be like that the whole season as well?
Why did they change the background for the confessionals?
Why are we focusing on Lady Gaga more than the queens?
Why is Carson still a judge?
Etc.

So here we go.
First up in the workroom was Peppermint. I absolutely loved her look, the braids were awesome and I love the electric blue kimono(?). She seems like an absolute joy to be around. I wasn't a huge fan of her based on her meet the queens and promo look, but now I love her. I'm not sure yet if she has what it takes to be America's next drag superstar, but I think she can definitely get close.

After Peppermint is Valentina. I'm warming up to her most definitely. I live for her confidence. Not exactly sure how I feel about the confessional look but that's fine. I find it hard to believe that she's only been doing drag for 10 months (or has she been doing it for longer? I noticed she said her drag debut was 10 months ago), she is definitely polished for such a young queen.

 Eureka. I quite liked this entrance look. One thing I didn't anticipate based on her meet the queens video was that she'd be such a bitch. She definitely likes being the centre of attention. This is perhaps going to be shady, but I'm not convinced by her crying when Gaga came in. To me it felt like a way of getting more attention. I don't know. I used to like Eureka but I found her abrasive this episode. We'll see.

Up next, Charlie Hides. I absolutely loved this look. I loved how she took off her sunnies and then looked through the massive glasses. I love how she's wearing massive heels even though she's 52 (looking at you Jaymes). She's got a great sense of humour and I can't wait to see more from her. I've seen somewhere that apparently next episode there's a cheerleading challenge, so if that at all involves physical activity and not just waving pompoms around, she could be in trouble.

Farrah Moan came in next. I'm not sure if she lacks confidence based on the way she pokes her head around the corner. She is beautiful, but I'm not sure she has what it takes to make it past a few episodes. I mean, the way she whinged when she couldn't get her own workstation? Get a grip girl. I also wasn't a fan of the outfit, and her response to Eureka's explanation of her name - "I've never vacuumed before" - was weird.

After Farrah was Sasha. Now I love Sasha, she's been my pick for the winner ever since I saw the promo looks and the meet the queens video. But I hated the scream (I agreed with Eureka - "oh wow"). I didn't particularly care for the look, I like the crown, but the rest just kind of all blended together.

So then we got to Alexis Michelle. I'm a fan of hers, but this look was not at all flattering. Also, this brings me to stray thought #1 - does Alexis have a problem with her leg? Did anyone notice that as she was walking in her foot was pointed out to the side? But anyway, I liked her hair, it reminded me of Laila McQueen at the finale.

Then walks in Shea Coulee (I've given up trying to copy and paste an accented e, it annoys me too much). I loved this ensemble. I understand where a lot of people are coming from saying it's too much, and I'd probably tend to agree somewhat, but I can't figure out what I'd get rid of, so it's all good. Stray thought #2 - why is Pearl on her dress?

Trinity Taylor. Girl. I don't know why I dislike her outfit so much but I do. I like the hair, and her makeup is marginally better than it was in her promo look, but the actual bodysuit itself I was not a fan of. Stray thought #3 - "I don't like to use the word 'pageant queen'", no more than 36 seconds later (I counted) - "I'm a pageant girl".

Kimora! YES! As anyone who has read my meet the queens reaction post will know, I hated Kimora at first. Now I love her. This entrance look was everything, she looked so stunning. I loved how she came in after Trinity to show her who the real body queen is.

Okay. I still feel bad for Jaymes. She looked terrified when she came in. I don't know if she brought the puppet with her to show what she can do, or because she needed something to comfort her. I'm thinking it's the latter. I liked the dress, I'm not sure why but I liked the fact that the outline of the corset was visible. But I still don't like her. Her persona seems like she should be likeable, but I think the fact that she's hiding behind a character at all stops me from connecting with her. Eureka hit the nail on the head by seeing through her character right away. When Jaymes was in the confessional, having dropped the character voice, I found I liked him much more. So I think I like him but not her.

Nina Bo'Nina Banana Fofana Osama Bin Laden Brown walked in next. She was one of my absolute favourites from meet the queens, and I was so glad to see her in another insane look. Can't wait to see more of her looks. I am concerned that the judges are going to call her out for always doing over the top looks, but I for one think it's awesome.

I adored Aja's promo look, but her face must have been photoshopped because this was rough. I understand (based on what I've read) that she's got acne scars so her makeup will always look rough, but I can't get past it. It doesn't mean I like her any less, but it was just a bit of a shock to me to see such a difference. I also didn't like this outfit whatsoever.

And the 14th queen - Ronnie from New Jersey.
Okay so I totally forgot that Gaga was coming into the workroom. Once I saw the shoes I was like OMG WHO IS THAT, but then it quickly dawned on me. I would love to see a queen wear boots like that at some stage.

Righto. So now we have a very genuine moment between Gaga and the queens. This is the first part of the episode where I thought it felt wrong. Everyone is supposed to be at each other's throats by now, not supporting each other! Then there was no shedonealreadydonehadherses-mail, so Ru's entrance kind of came out of the blue. I like his raincoat suit. Then we hear that no one is going home this episode (which drastically lowers the stakes, he should have said that at the end), and the main challenge is a pageant, where they will be serving two looks. Oh no. This is exactly how season 7 started out.

Now we get a very brief look at the queens getting ready. There is no de-dragging shown. It concerns me here that Aja is kind of getting an edit that makes her look annoying and entitled. But oh well, we'll see how that turns out later.

So here's the pageant. I'm going to give a very quick toot-or-boot-style rundown, but, since I'm an original, I'm going to do garb (= good, or at least, not bad) and garbage (= bad).
I'm writing this right now after I've already given the looks a rundown. I thought 'garb' and 'garbage' were really clever before but now I think they're dumb and I hate them. I'm going to try and think of something else before next episode's review.

Hometown looks
Peppermint - garb
Valentina - garb
Eureka - garb
Charlie - garbage
Farrah - garb
Sasha - garb
Alexis - garbage
Shea - garb
Trinity - garbage
Kimora - garb
Jaymes - garbage
Nina - garb
Aja - garb

Gaga looks
Peppermint - garb
Valentina - garb
Eureka - garb
Charlie - garb
Farrah - garb
Sasha - garb
Alexis - garb
Shea - garbage
Trinity - garb
Kimora - garbage
Jaymes - garb
Nina - garb
Aja - garb

Now we find out the top 3 - Eureka, Sasha and Nina. I thought this was a good top 3. I thought for sure Valentina was going to be there but I can understand why she wasn't, there can only be a top 3 and I think these 4 were the strongest. So then Nina wins (YAY) and Ru has a Steve Harvey moment. We find out that a 14th queen is returning to the competition. Who could it be???

Ranking
13. Jaymes Mansfield - she served up 2 looks already seen on season 6 (Magnolia's hoedown look and Adore's Ru look), and she seems out of place in this competition. I liked her Gaga look only for the sheer cojones it took for her to act like a sleep-deprived Gaga IN FRONT OF GAGA.
12. Kimora Blac - I love Kimora, but her Gaga look was a mess, and her Vegas look was only fine. She's gorgeous, but she's going to need to step it up.
11. Farrah Moan - I quite enjoyed the Vegas look, and the Alejandro look was fine. There was nothing particularly bad about either of the looks but I just think everyone else's - even if they had one bad one - were stronger or more interesting.
10. Alexis Michelle - I absolutely thought Alexis could have made such a stronger statement if the fan lifted up to say "BLACK LIVES MATTER", rather than in little writing on her bodysuit. I wasn't particularly impressed with her Gaga look, apparently that bodice is very difficult to recreate; as someone who doesn't create clothing or anything I don't get that, I just thought the look was a bit plain.
9. Trinity Taylor - her hometown look amazed me a lot more in the trailer for the season than it did this episode. It was really cool how she blended in with the fan (is that what it's called? The thing that lifts up behind her), but I thought the actual design was bad. Like Alexis, it would have been great if a statement was made, like maybe something to do with Pulse? I enjoyed her Countess look except the blood, it looked very fake. But other than that there were no real complaints, just that I thought other people did better. Oh except for the back of the circle thing. Side note - I've never seen the type of thing before that Alexis and Trinity did where you lift up the piece of fabric behind you, and they both did it this episode?
8. Shea Coulee - I thought the hot dog was fun, and twice now she has worn a headdress and she has a bit of hair sticking out the front - that's clever so she doesn't just look like a face. Her Gaga look was a bit messy, it didn't look much like the original.
7. Peppermint - her Statue of Liberty was not as well executed as Aja's, but I loved her Bowie look. Gaga nailed it though when she said that she's just got to work on tuning the finer details. However, it did annoy me when one of the judges said she should have had the lightning bolt - it wasn't on Gaga's look.
6. Charlie Hides - even though I thought her pilgrim ensemble was boring and the tearaway was sloppy, her fantastic Gaga look saved her from having a low placement.
5. Aja - her Statue of Liberty was predictable - by the time she showed up we'd already seen two; and though her Commes des Garçon dress was differently coloured than the original (if you're going to make it that similar, why not make it exactly the same?), it was a cool unique choice.
4. Valentina - her L.A. mariachi outfit was so fun, and the Gaga look was great too but I honestly think the wig brought her down, it looked very cheap.
3. Eureka - both of her looks were executed well. For me she's tied with Valentina, but the fact that she made top 3 puts her a cut above.
2. Sasha Velour - her hometown look, although tedious, was strong, and her Applause look was too. I wasn't a massive fan of the Applause makeup - it didn't look quite like Gaga's did. But I'm pretty sure they were pressed for time so she did well.
1. Nina Bo'Nina Brown - both of her looks were so strong. Her Georgia peach was fascinating and incredible, and her Gaga look was fantastic - rather than wear an exact replica of something Gaga wore, she translated it into her own style.