Recap + Ranking: RuPaul's Drag Race Season 9 Episode 5

FINALLY. This episode felt like a return to form for Drag Race: there was a mini challenge, there was pit crew (with two new members, bye Bryce and Miles), Ru looked great, we had a main challenge that was truly worth talking about, AND we had a shock elimination.

The queens enter the work room, and without skipping a beat, Trinity wipes Charlie's message off the mirror, which was very funny. The girls talk about how disappointing it was to see Charlie give up, and it's true; Charlie can give the excuses of her rib (which I don't buy. If she cracked her rib, why didn't we hear about it before?) and not lip syncing in London (which some British people have been quick to deny), but she really just gave up. Then Farrah asks Trinity how it felt to have everyone throw her under the bus (I feel like we need a new term for this). Trinity says that she feels like she should have been in the bottom because she was the leader, not for anything else. Eureka says that's probably why she was in the bottom, which Trinity completely ignores. She is getting more entertaining every episode. In her confessional, Alexis declares that this is now her time to rise to the top, and Nina says she wants to see certain people in the bottom ("sue me").

Ru walks in wearing an amazing suit, and announces the mini challenge - a selfie-taking session with the pit crew. I love dumb fun mini challenges! There are a few standouts - Alexis gets lifted up (with difficulty), Cynthia takes a blurry selfie, and Valentina asks Ru to introduce her as Miss Venezuela  then gets the crew to pose like a "Chola homeboy". Alexis wins, and she gets to assign everyone's role in the main challenge - Kardashian: The Musical. The roles are: Alexis as Kris, Eureka as North West, Cynthia as Kim, Farrah as Kylie, Valentina as Kendall, Aja as Kourtney, Sasha as Lindsay Lohan, Trinity as Paris Hilton, Peppermint as Britney Spears, Shea as Blac Chyna, and Nina as Khloe. Cynthia, Aja, Peppermint and Nina all seem to be unhappy with their roles, but Nina takes it to heart, she keeps talking about it all throughout the episode. Eureka reveals that she is now on crutches because of her injury during the cheerleading challenge in episode 2, which also explains why she was sitting down during the lip sync last week. I have to hand it to her, she has such a positive attitude about it and doesn't let it hinder her performance, something which Nina could learn from.
During rehearsal, Nina doesn't take direction well from Todrick, and again harps on about not being assigned Blac Chyna. We also see Aja struggling with the moves, and then Farrah can't get a patty cake move down.

On elimination day, we see Trinity trying to get along with Eureka and she expresses her admiration for Eureka's positive spirit. Aja is shocked to see her nose has gotten thinner; and Eureka goes up to Sasha and Valentina and apologises for her joke about eating disorders last episode. It feels like a very genuine apology, and makes me feel a bit better about Eureka. Sasha reveals that she was severely anorexic through most of her early 20's, and Valentina shares that she still struggles with an eating disorder, which makes Eureka's seemingly harmless joke directed towards Valentina suddenly a lot more serious. Then, Shea walks up to the group and says that she has also struggled with bulimia in the past. It is yet another raw moment, and despite the premise being formulaic, each moment is an important message to everyone, not just those in the LGBT+ community. 

Ru walks out onto the runway and she looks fantastic for the first time this season. It feels like she finally showed up. The guest judges are Todrick Hall and Meghan Trainor (who is wearing a onesie. On RuPaul's Drag Race. Girl). Ru announces the main challenge and the musical starts up. It is immediately clear that Cynthia doesn't know the words, and she fumbles her way through the entire performance. Peppermint does a great Britney, and Sasha and Trinity do a perfectly fine job at their characters (I do love Trinity's "that's hot"). Alexis does an amazing job at Kris, not only does she look just like her, but she gets her mannerisms down (even though I generally try to avoid anything to do with the Kardashians, I know enough to understand how well Alexis portrayed Kris). Cynthia's Kim is still dreadful, Nina does a surprisingly good Khloe, and Aja does a pretty strong Kourtney. Valentina's Kendall is reasonably good, but Farrah's Kylie is bad, she again fails the simple choreography. Then Shea has a quick standout part as Blac Chyna, and it becomes immediately apparent that the runway will be the determining factor in whether Shea or Alexis will win the challenge. Finally, Eureka's North West is fine, it's not a standout but it isn't bad enough to put her in the bottom. After the musical ends, Ru announces that the runway is "faux fur fabulous".

Good

Passable

Bad

Best: Shea
Worst: Cynthia

I didn't hate Alexis' outfit as much as some people did, but it would have been much better without revealing the dress underneath the coat. Shea is declared the winner (for the second week in a row), while Cynthia and Farrah are the bottom 2. After a pretty lacklustre lip sync (I focused more on Peppermint dancing in the background), someone walks up to the judges table and says something to Ru. At first I thought it was Cynthia, I don't know why. Then Ru says he needs a moment, and walks off the set. At this point, you know something is going to happen other than either Farrah or Cynthia going home. I was thinking it was going to be a double elimination. After Ru comes back, she calls up Eureka, and this immediately means she's going home, but I thought she was going to be disqualified for doing something wrong like William. Instead, Ru tells her that she's spoken with the doctor, and she can't "under good conscience" let her continue in the competition, giving her an open invitation to return to Season 10. It's a very emotional moment. I understand this probably makes me spineless, but my opinion of Eureka immediately changed and I felt really bad for her. It's a horrible way for anyone to go, especially considering her injury occurred while doing a challenge in the competition. After Eureka leaves, Farrah and Cynthia are both declared safe. I was kind of hoping maybe Ru would do a triple elimination and get rid of both of them as well. My prediction is that they'll both be in the bottom two next week. It's only a matter of time before they're both eliminated. 

So that was it for this episode. I said last week I wanted nothing more than for Eureka to go home, but this wasn't the satisfying end I was hoping for. I wanted her to go home because she did terribly in a challenge and was outperformed in the lip sync, but let's hope that she learns from her mistakes and returns next season with a better personality. Next episode is Snatch Game, and, honestly, I'm not expecting a lot from these queens. I think Shea, Sasha, Peppermint and Nina will do very well at whatever characters they're doing, and I'm expecting Cynthia and Farrah in the bottom.

Ranking

By default, the eliminated queen is last on the ranking. Ranking is based upon consideration of a holistic view of previous performance and the way they are presented in the storyline and editing. 
This week the ranking has changed a little. Before it was based on who I objectively think is doing the best; however, I'm now basing it on statistics: amount of wins, amount of highs, amount of lows and amount of times in the bottom two. Looking back at past seasons, I discovered that every single winner has had the most challenge wins. In seasons where the winner had the same amount of wins as another queen, the winner had more highs, less lows and less times in the bottom two. There's only one season where the winner was absolutely evenly matched with another contestant, I believe it was Raja and Manila. What I'm trying to say is, I think this is a good indication of who will take the crown.

11. Eureka
10. Cynthia - Cynthia is one lucky queen. If Eureka wasn't sent home, I'm sure she'd be gone. Her time will be up next week surely. She has been underwhelming in the challenges and runway. For a queen who has been given the opportunity to come back, she has not been doing well at all.
9. Farrah - I'm pretty sure Farrah is evenly matched with Cynthia, but I put her above because this is not her second time in this competition.
8. Aja - Aja has been surprisingly underwhelming this season. I'm worried that once the fat (Cynthia and Farrah) is cut off, she'll be the next to go.
7. Peppermint - If I remember correctly, wasn't there a rumour that Peppermint went home first? That certainly didn't come to pass, and I don't see her going soon.
6. Alexis - She made herself pretty unlikeable in this episode. She chose the standout character for herself but then blamed everyone else for her runway look? She needs to get a grip. She's been doing okay so far. The next 5 girls have all won a challenge, so she's the best one who hasn't won a challenge yet, if that's any consolation.
5. Nina - I was worried about her last week, and I'm even more concerned this week. She's great and I think she has a good chance of at least being in the top 4, if not the top 3. But she needs to get out of her head if she is to do so.
4. Trinity - Like I said before, we all underestimated Trinity, and I don't think she's going anytime soon.
3. Sasha - Though I've felt like she has faded into the background a little bit so far, statistically she's doing well. It's a bit hard for me to fully consider her win an actual win, since it was paired with Shea, but they both brought it last episode, so she deserves it.
2. Valentina - I still can't fully get behind Valentina. I feel like she's putting on a facade and we're not seeing the real her. That being said, I still like her. At this point, I feel like she's an almost guarantee for top 3.
1. Shea - I said it last week, I feel like Shea just got started and now she's going to be unstoppable. So far, she's proving me right. I would love for her to win the next challenge so she can be the first queen to win 3 challenges in a row.

Recap + Ranking: RuPaul's Drag Race Season 9 Episode 4

Wow a lot happened this episode. Okay let's start from the beginning.

So the queens walk into the workroom and Kimora is gone. Immediately, Aja starts going after Valentina, and Alexis joins in. Now I thought Alexis' argument was fine, but Aja's is clearly based on fear, which Valentina is wise enough to realise. After then complaining about Valentina to Shea, Aja claims she is going to win the challenge this episode. Since that's what Trinity said last week, I thought Aja was going to win this week (side note, I find it hilarious the way Aja said "mark my words").

After the tv message and mini challenge (oh wait...), Ru announces this week's challenge is a talk show. At this point I'm thinking this is the episode Farrah goes home. Also, the runway theme is "naughty nighties" (although I was sure Ru said "naughty 90's"). Trinity and Aja are team captains, which, in a perfect world, would have been determined by a mini challenge. Surprisingly, the first person Aja picks is Valentina. Nina is chosen last which is also a shock. 

Next, we see the rehearsals for the talk show - well, only one team's rehearsal, they seriously need to have longer episodes. Eureka is being such a pest that Trinity makes her raise her hand to speak (which she does basically straight away, and then makes a point of the fact that her hand is raised so she should be able to talk, even though someone else is already talking). In a move that is seen by some (mainly Eureka) as dictatorial, Trinity assigns the roles to each person, rather than let them decide what to do. After they split into their pairs, we see Charlie being very controlling towards Cynthia, who claims that she is being hindered by Charlie's man-handling. 

After this we see the first glimpse of the other team as they walk onto the set. We see that Aja and Valentina are paired together (but once again, we weren't shown the process for that decision) and they have absolutely no chemistry between them whatsoever. On the other hand, Sasha and Shea are absolutely hilarious as they play on their sexual tension towards each other in a scene involving a 'Lady and the Tramp'-style broccoli moment. Following a perfectly fine but boring interview with Naya Rivera, the other team comes in. From the get-go it is a train wreck: Trinity and Peppermint play the roles of two adversaries, with the unnecessary storyline of Peppermint sleeping with Trinity's husband (which Peppermint indicates by showing she has Trinity's husband's business card - don't people give their business cards away to everyone they meet?). Trinity's character is stale, while Peppermint, though stumbling over a lot of her lines, plays a much more likeable persona. Then we have Charlie being a control freak and Cynthia being hilariously and adorably incoherent ("I'm intolerant lactose"). The saving grace of the team is Nina and (I hate to say it) Eureka, who have a skit about using food for wigs and pads. This interview is a lot more interesting, but for the wrong reasons. Charlie asks a question, then immediately follows it up with another one, interrupting Naya; however, the most cringe-inducing moment is when Charlie takes it upon herself to say the closing lines of the interview, in the process not signing off Naya. It's the moment the show puts a big neon sign pointing to Charlie saying "bottom 2".

It's elimination day and the queens are getting ready for the runway. Aja and Valentina have a moment, during which Aja sincerely apologises for the way she lashed out, and that settles the feud between them (at least until Aja is next in the bottom 2). Charlie breaks down while talking about the AIDS crisis and how he buried most of his closest friends. Then, when Valentina is about to discuss one of the disorders she has been struggling with, Eureka says "eating", which sets Sasha off. In the ensuing argument, Eureka displays the emotional development of a toddler, claiming that she is now upset, because she got called out for making a tasteless joke at an inappropriate time, then refusing to apologise. This is the exact moment where Eureka becomes my least favourite queen in the history of the show. I want her gone. Now.

The music starts and the stage lights up to reveal an awful-looking Ru. The wig is the worst I've seen her in, and the makeup and dress are just okay. After once again stating that the runway theme is naughty 90's (in my mind), we get the horribly short runway montage, which literally only goes for 38 seconds.

Good

Passable

Bad

Best: Valentina.
Worst: Peppermint

Sasha and Shea are the winners, receiving a one year supply of hamburgers (??), and Aja's whole team is declared safe, where we see a genuine hug between Aja and Valentina. Following the critiques, Ru asks the dreaded question: "Who deserves to go home tonight and why?". We get (from memory, correct me if I'm wrong) 2 votes for Trinity, 2 for Peppermint and 2 for Charlie. There is an altercation between Trinity and Eureka with more incorrectly-said expressions "I stand beside it". After the judges deliberate, Trinity and Charlie are delegated to the bottom 2. 

In what is potentially the worst lip sync in the history of the show, Charlie, Tammie Brown style, gives up and doesn't move a muscle. She gives the excuse that she only sings live she doesn't lip sync, but her problem wasn't her lip syncing, she nailed the words better than Kimora did last episode, but she just stood in one spot during a Britney Spears song. Trinity, on the other hand, BROUGHT IT. I have never been more disappointed in a queen. Not only did Charlie give up, but she also undermined Trinity's performance - anyone would have won the lip sync against her, it didn't matter that Trinity did one of the best performances I've ever seen - AND she killed what should have gone down in herstory as one of the great lip syncs of Drag Race. So Charlie got sent home, and I'm pretty bummed, although I would have been upset either way. I'm disappointed we won't get to see her Joan Rivers for the snatch game, but it's her fault for giving up. 

All in all, it was a pretty good episode, and hopefully next episode will be the best ever by eliminating Eureka.

Ranking

By default, the eliminated queen is last on the ranking. Ranking is based upon consideration of a holistic view of previous performance and the way they are presented in the storyline and editing. 

12. Charlie Hides 

11. Farrah Moan - Farrah did reasonably well this week. Her look was very nice (though not unlike things we've already seen from her) and her acrylic toenail gag was funny. However, that doesn't take away from the fact that she has consistently underwhelmed thus far. 

10. Cynthia Lee Fontaine - I've said it every week, Cynthia has not yet shown why she deserves a second chance. I love her, I think she's a great person, but at least Shangela brought it to her season when she came back.

9. Aja - Aja didn't drop the ball this week as much as some other people did, but since I'm making this ranking based on overall performance, she doesn't rise above other people, she'll have to do well the next few weeks to make her way up this list. I do have to say though, her makeup was so much better this week.

8. Alexis Michelle - Alexis was fine this episode, and that's the problem. The entire season she's just been fine. She needs to step it up if she really wants to do well.

7. Peppermint - Peppermint did the worst this episode, in my opinion. Though Charlie and Trinity were worse in the challenge, her runway look was so much worse than even the second-worst look. Despite that, she has done pretty well so far, so that stops her from being pushed down further.

6. Eureka - I try really hard to be objective when making this. Nothing would make me happier than putting her at the bottom until she's eliminated, but I can't do that, because she did very well in the challenge and she's been pretty strong throughout the competition. 

5. Sasha Velour - I've been getting worried about Sasha, and she hasn't been doing too well in my rankings, but this episode she really stepped it up. If she performs like this every episode, she'll easily make it to top three. However, she's still doing a little too much in the runway (why did she need the candelabra?), and she'll need to learn to edit so she doesn't get read by the judges.

4. Trinity Taylor - Trinity has done very well so far, though this week she fumbled. That being said, I still thought her runway look was one of the best, and I was close to putting her as a tie with Valentina. Though she has been dethroned from the top, she's still got a good rank.

3. Valentina - Valentina was surprisingly boring in the main challenge, I didn't expect it. She's been slaying so far though, so she's still got a high ranking.

2. Nina Bo'Nina Brown - Nina was definitely the saving grace of her team, and her runway was killer. She's earned her way back up to the top.

1. Shea Coulee - I have a feeling Shea has gotten started and now there's going to be no stopping her. I wouldn't be surprised if she takes the crown. I hated her based on meet the queens, but now she's one of my absolute favourites, and I don't see her being knocked off this top spot easily.

Recap + Ranking: RuPaul's Drag Race Season 9 Episode 3

This episode confirmed my concerns I've had ever since meet the queens: this season might suck. This episode was not great - Ru looked the worst I've ever seen her, poor editing choices resulted in really only 5 queens being shown the entire episode, the challenge had promise but was met with mostly lacklustre performances, and the top 3 and bottom 2 didn't contain the right queens.

Let's start from the beginning. The queens walk in after Jaymes' elimination, Kimora is confused about why she was in the bottom, and Trinity is gunning for Valentina to win this week's challenge (immediately revealing that she will either win or be in the bottom 2). After Ru announces the week's challenge, it is soon clear that the bottom 3 and winner will consist of Aja, Farrah, Kimora and Trinity. 

We have some irrelevant moments (Valentina's eyebrows, Trinity's chocolate starfish and Cynthia's cucu explanation) that only make the episode feel like a slog to get through (which is impressive, considering it is under 40 minutes). It isn't until the discussion about Pulse that it feels like something important is finally happening. It is a very frank and genuine moment that doesn't feel manipulated by the producers in any way. Given that Drag Race is now on VH1, this discussion could really open the eyes of some people who may have underestimated the significance of the massacre to the LGBT+ community.

Okay so the runway. 
Good

Passable

Bad

You know it's not a great episode when one of the most interesting things is the judges. I loved the judges this episode. From their reactions:

To their critiques:
"Every year, Ru and Michelle tell people 'you cannot come out here with a piece of fabric wrapped around your waist', and I'm no seamstress, but that looks like a piece of fabric wrapped around your waist." Where was THIS Todrick on All Stars?

But easily the best part of the entire episode was when Michelle CAME for Kimora. 
(By the way, what on earth was Kimora talking about with her padding?)
The second best part was when no one laughed at Ru's joke.

After the deliberation, we find out that Aja and Kimora are in the bottom 2 (it should have been Farrah and Kimora, with Farrah going home), and Trinity is declared the winner (which is definitely well-deserved). I thought Nina and Shea should have been in the top as well, but I understand there can only be a few. 
Aja completely slayed the lip sync while Kimora awkwardly stumbled around on stage and fumbled words. In the end, it was the end for Kimora, who left pretty gracefully for someone who was considered before the season started to be the villain.

So that's it for a pretty lacklustre episode. We can only hope that the season gets more interesting than this.

Ranking
By default, the eliminated queen is last on the ranking. Ranking is based upon consideration of a holistic view of previous performance and the way they are presented in the storyline and editing. 

13. Kimora Blac

12. Farrah Moan - I'm sick of Farrah. I was never a fan of her but now she's grating on me. She absolutely should have been in the bottom 2 this episode. If she doesn't go home next I'm going to be shocked. I'm sick of the way she whines and complains her way through each episode, and the more I see her, the less beautiful I think she is. She's got to go.

11. Cynthia Lee Fontaine - Like I've said before, if you get brought back, you need to prove why you deserve to be back, and I'm just not seeing it with her.

10. Aja - I didn't realise Aja was wearing chaps until the judges said so, I thought she was wearing a bodysuit with a bizarre lopsided pattern on the front. Her look was bad, her makeup is consistently rough, and her attitude in Untucked was not good. She's a fierce lipsyncher, but she's going to need to step up her game if she wants to make it farther. 

9. Sasha Velour - Sasha's look was fine, but you've got a problem if I think your sidekick is more interesting than your runway look. She has faded into the background after her strong opening in episode 1. I understand we're only on episode 3, but if she doesn't step it up and show why she's here, she may be in danger of going home.

8. Charlie Hides - Charlie did a good job this episode, I wouldn't have been surprised to see her in the top. She was one of the only people who actually looked like a princess, and her sidekick was enjoyable. She moves up a few rankings for me for her performance this episode, but based on an overall view of performance this season, she's still far from the best.

7. Eureka - Eureka has consistently done reasonably well so far, but tonight she wasn't great, so that knocks her down a few places. Again, I have to give her credit for helping out Farrah with her outfit.

6. Alexis Michelle - Alexis is still kind of middle-of-the-road. She's done well but not great so far. I really enjoyed her outfit and sidekick this episode, but I don't see her as one of the strongest contenders, at least not yet.

5. Nina Bo'Nina Brown - Like I said before, I thought Nina deserved to be in the top (I'd probably swap her out for Peppermint). Last episode and this one, she faded into the background during most of the episode but once she hits that runway, she's such a presence, you have to pay attention to her. It'll be interesting to see how she can handle (in fact, how all of them can handle) an acting challenge, which I really hope is coming up, because so far, we haven't seen much that shows their talent other than runway.

4. Shea Coulee - Shea had my absolute favourite look this episode. I thought her dress was gorgeous, I loved the huge mermaid tail at the bottom, I don't think I've seen one that wide before. I didn't really understand what was going on with the midsection but that's fine. Unless she really slips up one episode, I'll be surprised if she's not in the top 3 (even though I put her at number 4 this episode).  

3. Peppermint - I read weeks ago that Peppermint was going to be the first to go home. As soon as she walked into the work room the first episode I thought that was impossible, and here we are at episode 3 with her shaping up to be a strong contender for top 3. Her runway look wasn't my favourite and I didn't necessarily think she should have been in the top, but she still did well.

2. Valentina - I didn't care for Valentina's outfit, but I LOVED her makeup, she looked so beautiful. With the way she's being edited, she's either going to make top 3 or royally screw something up and go home. There's something about her that I still can't connect to, I feel like she hides behind a facade, and there's something about her that scares me a little, especially with her villain look this episode.

1. Trinity Taylor - If you had told me after I saw meet the queens that Trinity was going to make the top of my list on episode 3, I would have said you were crazy. She has been my biggest turn around this season. I started off disliking her, but now I'm rooting for her. I like her, she seems genuine and fun, and I love how all the fans (including me) underestimated her and now she's one of the strongest contenders. I still don't think she'll win, but I also thought she'd go home first, so you never know.